I’ve been absent for more than a week and I’m not complaining.
Believe me, what I went through wasn’t anything too alarming, on the contrary, this situation helped me build up my survival skills. It didn’t work much, but at least now I know that those skills are nonexistent.
None-the-less, southwest Kansas experienced a trace of the Jupiter Storm winter front that I’m guessing a lot of states across the nation underwent. Nothing to crazy happened in my area of Kansas other than more than 5,000 homes were powerless for approximately four days. (I’m being sarcastic, it was pretty bad) Our linemen worked day in and day out to get everyone’s light restored and it all worked nice and dandy during the day, but then the harsh night would set everything back.
We lost power about Sunday around 11 a.m., school was cancelled Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, so I didn’t have to necessarily wash my hair or be presentable because trust me, I didn’t leave my house much. Finally around 9 p.m. on Wednesday, we had power. I slept with a night light just because I could.
But before the power came back on, I did nothing. Yippee for me.
At one point in time, all the laziness I was feeling got to me people! The pleasure of doing nothing wasn’t fun anymore. Man, I was worn out from being worn out. I started out reading. When that bore me, I colored. When that put me to sleep, I slept. When that began to make feel restless, I stared into space. And when that happened, my mind went where it didn’t need to go, but I took it there, probably on purpose because there wasn’t anything left to do.
Thankfully, the church I attend had a “Parish Mission” where Deacon Ralph Poyo shared his devotion for the Lord and his knowledge of sin, love, and mercy. It was truly insightful. Then he hit me with the truth. He talked about these walls we put around our heart. The ones we use to shield our true emotions. The emotions I often hide so that my family, friends, co-workers, and even Micah won’t see. Yes, I admit, I put up that wall thinking I’m okay.
But according to Jesus Christ, it’s not okay. Deacon Poyo went on to explain that God wants to help heal us of insecurities in our lives because the only way that we can fight against sin is with the truth. Wow, powerful. So now he’s got me thinking. God already knows my struggle. He knows what my insecurities are. So what? Who else will care? However, if I don’t communicate, if I don’t seek to reveal the truth I’ll never make my family happy, or worse, Micah and I won’t be happy. Fair enough. I don’t want that to happen.
So, while I’m sitting there again in the dark with all of my evil thoughts and emotions, my good ole pal insecurity comes back to lay with me. He’s pretty strict. He loves to tell me that I’m no good. I’m not smart enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not pretty enough. For the most part I take punches, I put a smile on my face, and I tell the world that I’m okay. I’m living a lie because deep down inside I’m broken. Shattered. Alone.
Except, I’m not alone. At that moment, the words Deacon Poyo said came back to uplift me. We always ask where is God in the mist of our self-destruction? I always thought, because I’ve heard it said that He’s with us, ever present and that is still true. But the good Deacon said, no He’s on the cross. Shivers.
Then I imagined Jesus on that cross, my sins nailing Him there. If I just give Him my struggles, if I just reveal the truth, if I just invite Him into my heart, and believe that He’s there for me; then I can push those insecurities away.
How hopeful and powerful. While it might be difficult to understand how to withhold from sinning or from putting up those walls of darkness up; it’s time we begin to understand just how much Jesus loves us. I mean just look at the cross.
Sure the tunnel is dark, but there is a way out, there is light and at the end He stands there holding the light of eternal light.
How did you weather the storm? And if you were in some sunny beach tell me all about it, I’d like to be all kinds of jealous.
The storm pictures featured were taken by friend and colleague Trista Fergerson.