During the pandemic, I gained a lot of weight, more than what I’m used too. For many, this change wasn’t noticeable, but since then I have struggled to maintain a consistent training routine. Some days I’m pretty active and will go on runs, then after months of falling into a slump, I get lazy. The laziness in part makes me feel depressed and the self-hate begins. Every night, I tell myself that “tomorrow will be day that I get back on track,” but that day has yet to come. Then enters the shame. Then the binge eating.
I haven’t felt proud of my body in a very long time and I’ve been hiding it in larger sizes. It’s a comfort thing, but in reality, I’m struggling. My motivation comes in sharing daily with you what I’m wearing. But I want to be perfectly transparent in the fact that although I may seem confident, there is a guilt in the way I feel about neglecting my body.
When I found Kindred, the shop in Kansas City that I fell in love with, I realized that the clothes I wanted to buy and typically would, didn’t feel make me feel comfortable. It was a major bummer. Yet there I was again, not doing anything about it. Anyway, I searched and searched the store for the perfect outfits and came across this beautiful and delicate babydoll top. This blouse makes me feel beautiful and brings back an inner state of being well.
Then I became to realize that while I don’t necessarily like how I feel right now, the beauty within pushes me to continue to do what I love. Maybe that’s what self-confidence is all about. Inner love.