#3 Living with you

I wasn’t able to post about an outfit today because I had after school conferences.

From time-to-time I’m busy talking to student’s parents, but often not there’s some down time. That’s lovely at times. Because I’m having some time to think I want to share with you all what’s been on my heart lately.

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With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I’ve realized (not that I didn’t already know) just how much Micah has touched my heart. Without back tracking to the past; I can honestly say with all certainty that, my bear, has healed all wounds. It didn’t take him long as every time I gaze into his deep blue eyes I’m fascinated by his being. He makes me feel secure, even when we fight. He makes me feel beautiful, even without makeup on. He makes me feel smart, even when I can’t remember the multiplication table of 7. He makes me feel special, even when everything is going against me or us.

He’s probably going to kill me when he reads this post, but even so he makes me feel confident enough to express who I am.

*Weather update, cause I guess I’m that obsessed now, today was in the low 30s. Tomorrow we will be the 50s. Friday it will be a warm 80! Sheesh.

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#2 Rescued Heart

There are traces of snow on the ground enough for me to bring out the space heater and think of some stuff.

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As impossible as it is for me to swim, I find it difficult to save my heart when its drowning in my emotions. You see, I have a lot of feelings. They vary.

About 88% of the time, my heart swims comfortably in the shallow parts of the lagoon. While in there I can feel my body weightless and that’s a good feeling–to not feel. I can pretend to swim. I can stare into the sun or the moon and talk to them about my day while submerged in my fears. If they care to listen. And often times, they talk back by showing off how beautiful they are with a wonderful reflection in the transparent water.

Then there’s that word, pretend.

I can masquerade the fact that swimming on the shallow side is perfectly okay — it’s not. I  not only mislead myself, but my heart as well. As a whole, a small portion of my body, can define how the rest of the body portrays itself. Let’s face it,  I’m calculating, I play it safe, and I endanger everyone around me with this facade.

Listening to the heart, to what the heart truly wants, is treacherous. However, listening from within is hopeful, endearing, almost reassuring in itself. I find myself asking “when will I ever learn to swim,” and “is it too late to start?” Deep down, in that tiny hole of hope that’s buried underneath all the self pity and despair of my own preconceived notions, lies the answer to those questions.

It’s never to late to save your heart while it’s drowning. It’s never to late to learn new things, to venture out, to discover, or to grow. And lastly, if we can’t rise above the tide of our fears and negative thoughts, then we ought to learn to float. Or at least to have someone help guide us. I’ll help you, if you help me.

#1 Without You

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It’s too much to bare. The fact that I don’t get to see the boyfriend as often as I’d like. Missing him is great. Missing him is bittersweet. He inspires me. He’s my muse.

Lately, we’ve been on conflicting schedules. He’s doing his thing and I’m caught up doing mine. When we are together, time stands still, but when we are apart his scent lingers.

He coaches basketball and lately he’s been gone a lot! Way to much. I’m glad for his absence sometimes because that’s when I can truly appreciate him and how much he means to me. When he’s not around my head is filled with hopeful thoughts.

And so, this poem. I wrote it while he was a basketball retreat. My love for him grows more and more each day ever present and even when he’s far.

I guess Shakespeare got it right when he said “parting is such sweet sorrow.”